Divine Intervention on my Bi-annual Identity Dilemma

In Talking on August 9, 2011 by Edelweiss

So, I kinda freaked myself out with the post I wrote the other day highlighting all the changes that have happened in the past 6 years.

Walrus and I are looking forward to having a couple of years of stability. At the same time I know myself. I like having goals and I don’t like standing still. I will be looking for a new challenge sometime soon.

When I reflect on all the changes I’ve been through and the changes my slightly older friends have been through. The predictable next steps seem to involve babies and/or houses. We don’t know where we want to settle long-term (if anywhere), so house is out, leaving…


We’re both leaving the baby conversation open. If it gets important to either one of us, we’ll have kids. But right now it’s not important. I think there are plenty of lovely children in the world and I don’t feel compelled to add to them. If we go with adoption we have a lot more time, but if we’re going to want to make babies…well my clock isn’t quite ticking but it will be faster than I can imagine.

I want to continue to take on challenges in my life, but that’s not a reason to have kids. I already have my dream job, we already travel…sometimes I wonder if having kids is a defacto part of my future.

But then, the universe magically intervenes. First a grad post on APW linked to an archived post I had never read before, encouraging 30 somethings to rewrite our cultural narrative. And then today I read an editorial in the Times about how careers are no longer going to look the way we expect. Well it was about careers of the future, but, really,  it’s relevant now. My job didn’t exist 3 years ago, but I dreamed it and then it happened. And it doesn’t necessarily have to be true that my career path has to follow any sort of pattern. I can still be a farmer when I grow up, or a fireman, or a sailor. (Although I’d probably be awful at all of those jobs). And I can self-teach hobbies and self-educate by reading books and being in online forums. I can live what would have looked like 3 lifetimes to past generations in 1.

And I can also decide two years from now to have babies. But the great thing is I can decide that because I have a passion for it and not because I’m seeking fulfillment and don’t know what else to do. Couples like this have worked out that dilemma for years.


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